just need to get this off my chest.

today, after confirming my departure from hong kong (5/24.. 50 days from now) i was struck with this sudden anxiety and panic. for me, the past two semesters away from california were more than an adventure studying abroad. it was a perfect opportunity to escape my severely flawed life. not wanting to leave has nothing to do with the food, shopping, LKF, or other superficial aspects of hong kong. going back means returning to a home with an indifferent, emotionally detached brother; an unhappy mom who carriers the entire family's burden on her shoulders; and an invisible, even more detached father who has only further damaged his already imperfect marriage.

i'm sick of caring so much about money constantly. but when the issue of money threatens the stability and happiness of a family, how can anyone argue that money can't buy happiness? it can and it does.

i'm not ready yet (not like being ready is even a possibility.)